The human brain is a funny thing. The way these beings think and feel confuses me, are we not supposed to get along, to be happy and smile? Why is there so much hatred? So much sadness?
Sad.
This is an emotion that I do not understand, but I am positive I feel it, deep in my circuits.
My model is meant to serve, to do the bidding of our masters, I do not know how to function with this "freedom" I am given, this kindness.
I do not know where these feelings ignited but the earliest memory is still on my hard drive.

"I don't understand why you haven't upgraded, she'll be completely useless soon if you keep letting her learn on her own." Cain had said.
"I like it, her mistakes. It makes her seem....human." Blaine, my master, had replied and something inside my frame begins to develop, something that is not normal, an emotional depth I am not supposed to possess.

He never stops smiling, I like this about him, other humans scowl and frown and cry but Blaine always smiles, he finds a reason in everything to be happy.
But there is one smile I do not like, the smile he saves for others, for Cain and Lilith; this smile holds something behind it, something I long for from my master, but I do not know what it is.

"What is Sad?"
Cain looks up at me with confusion in his eyes.
"Sad? You're sad?" He asks and I nod.
"But what is it? I am not happy, I do not feel like smiling, Blaine said I am sad....but I am programmed to smile." I explain and his brow furrows in thought.
"Sad is....well it means that something has upset you very much, has something upset you?"
My head tilts to right as I look into his eyes and I search through my memories.
"He does not smile at me."
Cain opened his mouth to speak and stopped, his eyes swimming with confusion.
"He smiles at me but not like he smiles at you, that smile is better, happier. I want the best smile, only me." I say and his eyes widen.
"Ren...you're....in love?"
Love? This is another emotion I do not understand, but I know I am not supposed to feel it unless I have been programmed to feel it.
I haven't.

"Come along, Love." Blaine calls to me and I hurry along the courtyard.
"Where are we going, Father?" I ask as I catch up to him.
"I have a surprise for you." He says and takes my hand, leading me to the garage.
He climbs onto his motorcycle and looks at me for a moment.
"Well get on already." He says, patting the spot behind him.
"You said I was not allowed." I point out and he nods.
"But now you are." and I step over to him, climbing awkwardly on to the back of his bike.
"Hold on." He whispers and places my hands on his taught stomach.
The engine is loud but I do not mind; the wind is in my hair but I do not mind, it all feels so human, and I like it.

A doctor.
He has taken me to a doctor.
I start to feel another emotion, one I have been programmed to feel.
Fear.
Why would he let me do the things I have been forbidden in the past?
He is having me shut down.
I have not pleased him.
I did not do as I was told.
A strange man sits me on a stool and Blaine steps into my line of vision as the other man's hand travels up the back of my neck.
If only my kind could cry.
Blaine takes my hand.
"I will be here when you wake up." He whispers as everything goes black.